New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
