you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
