I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
