she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Randomize
