Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Randomize
