I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
