No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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