He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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