the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
