Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
