id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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