If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
we made out on top of his cat.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
