i will never coherently bang her
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
