He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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