Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize