FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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