THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
