If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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