i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
My sheets look like a crime scene.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
im on a boat
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