If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
