The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize