i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
