I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Randomize
