you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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