You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
