I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
