I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
