Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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