man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
