Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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