Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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