Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
