This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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