Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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