just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
why do cheetos always look like penises
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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