There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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