he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
