I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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