You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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