So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
