I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
why is half of my head shaved?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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