he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
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