i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
