have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
