But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
