Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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