Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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