I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
