I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize