I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
