I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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