she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
