I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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