The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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