Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
