I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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