would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
