I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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