I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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