i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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