last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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