im having a threesome with these popsicles
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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