she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
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