u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
