yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
