Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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