just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
