Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
