Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
