Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
