i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
