Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
