I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
