I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
