Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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