I cockslap morals
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
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