he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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