It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
