Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
He called his prostate his "boner button".
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Randomize
