Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
the raccoons are back...
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