dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
