I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
