The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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