Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
