could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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