i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
