Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
