The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize