Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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