Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
the condom got lost in my hair
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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