So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
please come you make the beer taste better
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
