got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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