somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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