my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
