I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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