found the other keg... it's in the tree
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
