i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
