Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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