I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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