I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
